When we found out we were expecting our first child, we were ecstatic! I couldn鈥檛 wait to start planning. I watched all the videos, read the book 鈥淲hat to Expect When You鈥檙e Expecting鈥 front to back. I was ready!
Other than a miscarriage scare early in my pregnancy, the rest of my first and second trimester progressed fairly normally. During my third trimester, I started to become extremely swollen and was told that I had toxemia. I was put on bed rest in November. I went in weekly for non-stress tests. My husband and I continued to plan for the baby's arrival. We had scheduled lamaze classes. My parents came to paint the nursery since I couldn鈥檛, and my husband was working two jobs at the time.
Even though I was on bed rest, the baby was doing well, and I was doing okay. As my toxemia got worse, the doctor decided to give me steroid shots for the baby's lungs just in case I had to deliver before 35 weeks. Our goal at the time was to get there and then induce me. I am so thankful for my doctor to have the foresight to give me those shots. During one of my non-stress tests, the nurse suddenly looked very worried. A team of nurses ran in and told me that I would be delivering today. I was so confused because I felt fine. The doctor got on the phone with me and told me I had preeclampsia, and my blood pressure was so high they were worried I would have a stroke at any time. My urine also showed signs of liver distress so an ambulance ride to the University of Utah Hospital was ordered immediately.
At 29 weeks pregnant, I was induced to deliver and placed on magnesium to lower my blood pressure. Attempts at inducing me were very slow and I waited a week to deliver. During that time, so many doctors and nurses came to explain and help prepare me for a premature baby. Being on magnesium didn鈥檛 help with trying to comprehend what was happening. The whole thing is still kind of a blur to me.
On December 24, 2004, my son Talon was born at 30 weeks gestation. No one was ready. Since the induction took a long time, I wasn鈥檛 in a birthing room with the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) window. His delivery came suddenly, and the doctor geared up just in time to catch Talon. I remember so many people were in the room. I remember after I delivered my son, the doctor cut the cord and passed Talon to a nurse, and she left the room with others following. I remember that I didn鈥檛 hear him crying. 鈥淗ow is he?鈥 I asked a nurse. She replied with, 鈥淗e is beautiful.鈥
I remember hemorrhaging and pain. I remember thinking, 鈥淣ow we fight.鈥
Talon was resuscitated twice right after being born. He had an amazing team taking care of him. Seeing my son for the first time was heaven. It had been 48 hours since I delivered him. I only got to hold him for a few minutes. I remember him opening his eyes, and us looking at each other for the first time. I told him that we had to fight. He had to fight. Talon did fight and graduated from room 1 to room 2 and so on.
Time in the NICU goes by slowly. Talon would have a great week, and talks of going home would happen, and then he would have an A and B stretch and those hopes were dashed. I started to become angry. I would be angry seeing a mom being wheeled out with her baby with balloons and a husband doting on her and their newborn. I was angry at myself for not having a strong enough body to carry my son full term. I remember hearing about a program called 鈥楶arent to Parent鈥 that the NICU offered. The thought of leaving my baby's side for anything scared me too much. Looking back, I wish I had gone to learn from this program. Each month I received a small gift from the Parent to Parent group. They would also come to my son's incubator, say 鈥淗i鈥, and check on me.
Even though I didn鈥檛 attend their weekly meeting, their attention and kindness helped more than they knew. After a month in the NICU, I was released. I wanted to find a way to pay back the NICU and Parent to Parent, so I reached out to the hospital to get in contact with the person in charge and collected donations.
The greatest thing I learned from my NICU experience was forgiveness and community. I was never truly alone even when I felt like I was. The entire NICU team always took care of me and my son. I ended up volunteering with Parent to Parent for many years after our NICU experience.
I want everyone who is a NICU parent to know they have a large family of support for the rest of their lives. Talon is a 3.8 GPA student and is now a high school graduate. He plays the cello and trombone and he loves playing video games. He aspires to own his own company someday and plans on traveling to Japan after graduating. We attend the NICU reunion every year and we have made lifelong friends with other NICU families. Our NICU journey has shown us that we are strong and can get through anything life throws our way鈥攁nd that planning is overrated.
Meet Our NICU Alumni
This is a special project that documents our NICU alumni. We are so grateful to watch these amazing young patients grow into their lives, despite a challenging start.