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Before starting ECT, Harris described life as “painful and hopeless.” 

Harris experienced anxiety for the first time when he was in the second grade.

It first started as separation anxiety from his mom, and then progressively and quickly got worse.

“It turned into full blown anxiety over everything,” said Harris. “During most of my elementary school years I dealt with both anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.”

Luckily for Harris, his parents did everything they could to educate themselves on how to best help their son. Harris started therapy in the second grade. Harris then began taking medication to help him manage his anxiety.

The depression kicked in when Harris was in the sixth grade, and by the time he was in eighth grade, the medications were no longer helping.

“That’s when the suicidal thoughts began,” said Harris. “The depression got just as bad as the anxiety, and it got very dark and heavy.”

Harris doesn’t remember where he got the idea of suicide, he just knows he did not want to live anymore.

“I didn’t feel like I could keep going,” he said. “Every day was just painful, and I was tired all the time.”

Most nights, Harris couldn’t sleep – let alone close his eyes – because of racing thoughts and what he describes as a “rollercoaster of noise” that hit when he tried to close his eyes and sleep.

Harris started self-harming and had a few suicide attempts. He was admitted to the University Neuropsychiatric Institute (now HMHI). That’s when Harris’ doctors discovered that his medication was no longer working. After a few weeks at HMHI, and several medication adjustments, Harris was released from the hospital.

For the next four years, life was hard, but okay for Harris.

“I could function,” he said. “I was on the basketball team; I was student body officer… I could do those things, but I was just always faking it until I made it. I tried to use those things to hide my issues or ignore them, but it still weighed me down and was a struggle.”

Most days, Harris would think about not wanting to live.

“I didn’t do anything about it, but it was always on my mind,” he said.

Harris continued to carry his depression and anxiety throughout high school. He remembers going to sleepovers with friends and having to take his medication.

“It never felt like anyone else struggled or had to do therapy or medication, and that starts a bad chain reaction of self-doubt, fear, and shame,” said Harris. “You get to the point where it’s not even worth it to have a sleepover, so you withdraw and miss out on things in life.”

By his senior year, the depression and anxiety had gotten unbearable again. He started self-harming again and made several more suicide attempts. Harris hid this from his parents, but as soon as they found out they did what they always did and took action to help him and get him the best care possible. He was readmitted to HMHI.

“There are such great people, doctors and therapists at HMHI,” said Harris. “I also did family therapy sessions while I was there, so my siblings and parents would come, and I have always had great support from them.”

Harris graduated high school, got married, had two daughters, served in his church, and worked a full-time job. In 2022, Harris started self-harming and contemplating suicide again.

“It was getting to where I didn’t know how much more I could take,” he said. “I was done.”

Harris felt he had tried everything he possibly could. He was diligent with his weekly therapy sessions, his appointments to monitor and adjust his medications, and still nothing seemed to help. Everything felt like it was getting worse.

Harris was admitted to the hospital where he underwent heavy therapy and medication adjustments. A week later he was sent home.

“I felt better coming out of the hospital than I did when I went in,” he said. “But I still felt like I was just going through those motions again, trying to come up with new ways to cope with things.”

Now, just a few months after his last ECT appointment, Harris is telling everyone he knows about this life-changing treatment.

Harris has finished his ECT treatments at the beginning of May. So far, he hasn’t had to go in for any additional treatments.

“Some of our patients relapse when they stop treatments,” said Solzbacher. “Some people need to come in every few weeks, and some need to come in every few months to keep stable. It just depends on the individual.”

Harris has been able to maintain the benefit of his treatments, but he still takes medication and meets regularly with his therapist.

“I still believe in those things and stay diligent,” he said.